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My Silent Retreat into Revolution

(A journey into the ocean of silence that is my resistance)


By MadamCJda3rd


I remember going nonverbal as early as the age of 7. I lost a lot of loved ones before I started high school, and silence was where grief laid me down to rest. Over the past five years, I have been faced with a mountain of grief through an active awareness of the ongoing genocides against indigenous people everywhere. And I no longer know what to say about it. I've protested. I've written poetry, created documentaries, attended healing retreats. I've lead yoga classes and community events... and I've always felt like I've 'done my part', but, I've also always felt like my part was never done.


Now, I'm choosing silence. Really silence is choosing me. The gigantic nature of my emotions means that I process things differently. It is becoming harder and harder to see death and destruction on my screen and just keep scrolling. I'm having trouble sleeping, my spirit keeps waking me because I know that we are all complicit in this insidious and morally bankrupt system of violence and capitalism. I am rediscovering my innermost truth by listening. Growing in silence. Acting more like those trees I love writing about so much.


I'm not going to act like I'm perfect, or that I'm being silent 100% of the time. I still work with youth in Oakland, and lead weekly yoga classess to pay my rent. But i'm working on deepening my awareness of the infinite silence that connects all of our grief, rage, joy, pain, and resistance. I am beginning to embody the highest truth of connectedness with just my presence, and while doing so I am raising funds for multiple community initiatives (The Brookfield community garden in East Oakland and Spread Out Initiative in Nima). My goal is to stay off of mainstream social media, talk as little as possible, and hopefully spend a full month in silence by the end of the summer.






If you are interested in learning more, joining me in silence, donating, or supporting this in any way please reach out via email: c.manarspears@gmail.com


Peace and justice to all oppressed people.

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With you. I also similarly lost a lot of people from age 8-10 and went nonverbal, it was when I fell in love with psychology and became incredibly perceptive, advaning my interests in inexplicable ways as a kid. Silence is a portal. Sending love and hope to see you through the BIZ network when timing is aligned. - j nyla

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